The Borefast Agreement
The great bores of Ireland have been at it again in the North this past week or two. Not that I spend a lot of time following it. It reminds me of one of those movies my kids watch so often that they know the lines verbatim, being able to speak in sync with the characters word for word. For me, the ability to maintain interest in anything served up ad infinitum, food, films or fools, demands either an iron will or no imagination. I am neither gifted nor cursed with either.
Political commentators must feel the same; they know it’s all action replay from beginning to end. Whatever angle it is viewed from it remains the same. They could as easily run some old news reel from years ago and the public would hardly notice the difference. While Blair and Ahern have moved on, the idea that old faces should not be thrown at old problems seems not to have registered up in Borefast, the North’s political capital. That probably goes some way to explaining the seeming intractability and longevity of the contentious bone. The issue is less a problem than its supposed solvers. Same old, same old, desperate to remain in power all these decades later; operating on the simple basis that ‘with no new faces to zoom in on, the cameras will have to look at us peeking out at them like peeping Toms from behind doors or whatever, still clinging to the notion of being indispensable.’ A few years ago the Irish Times described one of the North’s chief negotiators as someone who goes rigid with excitement the moment a camera is in the vicinity. There are other products on the market that should do that for him without involving a long suffering public.
On Friday I took a call from a Northern journalist inviting me to do some radio commentary on ‘developments’. Another deal had apparently been struck and agreement had at last been reached on policing and justice, none of which will improve the lives of anybody one iota. I declined. I could have gone in cold and did it, easily drawing on experience of what has flowed under the same bridge from the same sources since long before the two children here were born. I saw no point. I had little interest in it and had no inclination to make any serious effort to find out. It will make no difference to the lives of my children, and the North will be just as British this week as it was last. I sensed the journalist I was speaking with had the same feeling. But it is her job to keep people alert. How to keep them awake I felt was the real challenge. I did not envy her having to scavenge through the political rubbish tip in the hope of finding some caffeine like substance rather than sleeping tablets. I felt like telling her that a public health warning should be broadcast in advance of any news items coming out of Stormont: something like ‘do not drive or handle machinery after watching the following: it is liable to make you drowsy.’ But we knew that anyway as both of us reached for our caffeine laced coffees the minute we stopped talking about it. That's how I imagined our response - we were divided by the partition line so I couldn't actualy see her.
Sunday, evening, two days after the new agreement, I have little idea what it is. Haven’t listened to the news, bought a paper, not even the Sunday Tribune, or browsed the net. I have hardly missed anything. A Belfast journalist sent me a few texts. He seemed to have as much interest as I had.
The ancient Chinese wish for their enemies came in the form of a curse that they should live in interesting times. Nobody in the North of Ireland has ever upset China.
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