Suicide Narrative Makes No Sense

By AM Sunday, January 5, 2014

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TPQ frequent commenter on Tain Bo, guest writing a piece reflecting on comments that appeared in respect of Paddy Joe Crawford.

I can appreciate the naivety or reluctance to look beyond the action of suicide and reduce it to an act of cowardice. If only it were that simple. Far from being an act of cowardice it is usually driven by a multitude of forces that in most cases end in the loss of life. The act of suicide goes against the mind's own natural defensive mechanism that being its ability to survive and cope by staying on par with adaptation.

When a force overrides one's internal instinct to survive then obviously it is a more complicated matter rather than just a convenient, easy way out. In the daily struggle to survive life and circumstances can be overwhelming. For some this creates a mental disconnect which in itself is a method of coping with whatever emotional stress or barrier it cannot work through.

The physical stresses mixed with the physiological-psychological, along with the emotional and chemical influences that naturally occur internally add on the external factors of social environment, family environment and the ability to establish and create personal relationships etc … there is a great deal more to navigating through the minefield of life in general than just waking up and going into automatic mode.


Some accounts seem to ignore the devastating mental anguish and physical pain suffered by those with suicidal tendencies. Especially amongst the younger generations who might act up a bit and whose parents or parent may not have the coping skills to deal with a teenager’s angst which in turn may lead to the parent out of sheer frustrations becoming angry at the child and saying things out of anger such as “you are worthless”. One of the more common mistakes is parents actually telling a child they are tired of hearing the threat of they will kill themselves. After the fact the parent reflects, wishing they had not said 'go ahead, do us all a favour and kill yourself.' Amongst other things, in other words, telling a child they no longer wish to deal with them or more appropriately do not know how to help them.

This more personal rejection only heightens the child’s rejection. And when heard from what should be a guiding force in their life that they are worthless, it only enhances the already deep isolation they feel.

And any amount of rejection coming from a loved one or an authority figure parent, relative or any adult they look up to only validates their lack of self-worth and evokes greater confusion in their already fragile state of mind.

It is wrong to opt for the easy way out by describing them as cowards. The reality being they are victims of a society ill equipped to deal with the countless many suffering from one form of clinical depression or another.

Much of the same applies to older people who for whatever personal reason decide they have nothing to offer and see ending their life as a way or a means not to inflict pain on their loved ones but in confusion to eliminate the burden they feel they place on their family.

It is by no means curable but with the proper treatment and effective support base for those in danger certainly the numbers could be reduced. And by removing the social stigma that comes along with psychological problems that also would help as parents would more likely seek professional help for problems far beyond their control or understanding.

I am no stranger to suicide. I have lost a few good friends to it along with one close friend who attempted suicide by running and jumping through the window of a three storey house, smashing into the small garden which along with the urgent medical treatment probably saved his life.  A few years on I had the chance to ask him why his answer was as simple as day and night. After a long day and night drinking he returned to his mother’s house along with his brother. All seemed well until the alcohol fueled a family argument: he was told to go to bed or get lost and go to his wee flat.

All he remembers was feeling misunderstood and made his way upstairs to sleep it off. By the time he opened the door he was seeing red and made a bolt to the window and went straight through and has no memory after that.

His mother and brother,although sitting in the front room didn’t hear a thing, too inebriated to notice. It was a neighbour who heard the noise but couldn’t see anything from his doorstep yet could hear the faint moaning. When he looked he found my friend which saved his life.

Obviously the booze fueled his disconnect, enraging his own disappointment that his girlfriend and taken off with the kid as she had had enough.

In his case the aftermath is just as tragic. The damage done left him semi-crippled and a life time of pain medication: and worse, a return to a heavy dependency on booze that helps dull the pain. Sooner or later with that lethal mix and no real psychological support from psychiatrists his end is almost guaranteed to be sad and tragic.

There is always a reason. It just may not be noticeable and usually people suffering from psychological problems are apt at disguising them. A few years back my nephew took his young life. He was by no means a coward: a very bright extremely intelligent youngster. He was doing well for a time and was fortunate to be under psychiatric care.

In the months leading up to his death a problem arose as he was nearing the age of 18 and his case worker could not place him in the juvenile wing but insisted to his mother that he would be facilitated in the adult wing when he turned 18. His mother’s protests fell on deaf ears and my nephew was pretty much left out on a limb. The system that he relied upon failed him and as a result he found his own way out.

Obviously I can’t divulge the depth of personal conversations he and I had but I can assure you he covered in detail the pain he felt, understanding the trauma his affliction would have on me, his Granny, his mother and his friends.

You see, suicide is a subject that not only interests me but it is also something I do running battles with when dealing with my own suicidal tendencies. Does that make me a coward?

The effects are both physical and mental. There are days that run into weeks where every fiber in my body aches and my mind floods with a torrent of uninvited desperation that becomes incapacitating and the only false peace arrives in the form of a quiet desperation of ending it all just to relieve the constant pressure.

It is unexplainable but very real and misunderstood. It is not the idea of ending one’s life but the thought that the pain and mental anguish will no longer eat away and destroy a person.

Can judgment be passed on those that passed by their breaking point and for whatever reason decided to end their own suffering?

The young lad in the cages, one commenter seems to believe, fitted the criteria for suicide - which sounds like a load of bunk. Would those he shared daily life with in very confined conditions not be aware of his emotional distress? Would they not have tried to assist the young lad and take him under their wing? Explain how not one of those POWs would not have noticed or heard this young man in a hut hanging himself?

The suicide version makes no sense. Beano Niblock is more honest and not only highlights another brutal murder of a young loyalist lad but also the violence by the screws. So brutality was the rule not the exception.

Beano also mentions that Scap was the O/C. Given his reputation I doubt he would lose sleep sanctioning the murder of the young lad and passing it off as a suicide. The above is speculation on my part but I think any place we find Scap there is good reason to dispute the Provo narrative.