Wednesday, September 11, 2013

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Do-It-Yourself Irish News Critic Kit


Do you find yourself thinking bad thoughts about the Irish News? Are you tempted to write those bad thoughts down? Given the Irish News' habit of suing its uppity readers, you should not do so unprepared! You need the DIY Irish News Critic Kit!

Anyone who criticises or questions the Irish News and their reporters knows it's only a matter of time before a solicitor's letter from Johnsons arrives at the door. Now YOU can pre-empt that action by filling out your OWN letter at the same time you write your bad thoughts with this standard template!

Armed with your own pre-prepared threatening letter already formatted and ready to go, you can let the Irish News know you've already got a letter from Johnsons for thinking bad thoughts about them. Whether you send it to yourself or the Irish News sends it to you, the result is the same!

Thinking bad thoughts and ready to write them down? ACT NOW!

Just fill in the relevant details and you're ready to go!



LC/0070000730

*INSERT DATE HERE*

PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL – NOT FOR PUBLICATION

*INSERT NAME & ADDRESS HERE*

Dear Sir/Madam [delete as necessary],

RE: OUR CLIENT – ALLISON MORRIS

We have been instructed by Allison Morris, a leading and highly respected senior staff journalist with the Irish News in respect of false, defamatory, and harassing material which you have published on a website entitled “*insert website name here*” which can be located at the following link (“the website”):

*INSERT WEBSITE ADDRESS HERE*

*INSERT ALLEGATIONS HERE* (2 paragraph limit recommended) - ensure use of following phrases or similar as a minimum: "highly defamatory" "motivated by malice" "falsely state that our client behaved in an unprofessional and dishonest manner" "reckless allegations could endanger her personal security."

As the author and publisher of these allegations you are liable, along with the Internet Service Provider, for the resulting damage to our client’s reputation. Now that you are on notice of the defamatory and abusive material you are publishing, we require you to:

1. Immediately and permanently delete the defamatory and abusive content from your server, and effect the removal of any reference to our client on the website;

2. Immediately provide your undertaking in writing not to allow the same or similar allegations contained on the website to be cached or otherwise stored in any way.

*CONSIDER ADDITIONAL PARA HERE* (A mention of Editor Noel Doran in this section to give added gravitas would not go amiss)

In these circumstances, pending confirmation of the above, we reserve all of our client’s rights, including the right to issue legal proceedings against you in support of a claim for substantial damages.

We look forward to hearing from you as a matter of urgency.

Yours faithfully,

JOHNSONS


26 comments :

Maitiu Connel said...

Very comedic and sarcastic outline to the start of the post, loved it. As an Irish News reader, yes I know. I always regarded the Irish News of perhaps having a higher moral standpoint than maybe other, lets say tabloid style papers. Following this topic, I am starting to wonder if perhaps a hint of fascism is used in regards to any opposition voiced towards this paper.

AM said...

Just a hint of? Franco D might have something to say about that via a letter from the above outfit.

Robert said...

Anthony,

'Franco D might have something to say about that via a letter from the above outfit.'

Lets refer to him as Leon Narod aka Engelbert Von Smallhousen of 'Allo Allo' fame henceforth.

AM said...

Sounds good to me Robert. Will you now get a letter too?

Robert said...

Anthony,

I was hoping more on receiving the Irish News NUJ chapel's supplementary advice on 'How To Exorcise A Demon'

marty said...

Speaking to Anthony earlier I said I thought the spokesman for the chapel was an ignoranus,Anthony chuckled and said "dont you mean ignoramus"? "nah"I replied "he,s a stupid asshole"

Tain Bo said...

I have a gripe with the Irish News and a gripe with Unionist letting the name misrepresent all they oppose some bright spark should start a campaign to have the name changed to reflect the imaginary line.
The Northern Irish News just playing along with the theme of pointless law suits which they show great creativity with.

Fionnuala Perry said...

Robert,
It's not the demons that should concern you but the sight of knitting needles.

Robert said...

Fionnuala,

I'm afraid you have lost me?

Fionnuala Perry said...

Knitting needles guillotine?

Kev O'Higgins said...

Must admit I'm finding the creative satirising of the Irish News graphic most amusing. Other recent graphics and the daily name change are also generating chuckles.

Mockery by ones opponents is bound to be irritating some. Thankfully they haven't found the means to attempt censoring humour - yet

Robert said...

Anthony,

Enjoying the alternating headers.
What will tomorrow bring?

michaelhenry said...

Robert-

" Alternating headers "

The Streisand Effect-today-

After one of Gerry A's movie/singer fans-

Tain Bo said...

Robert,

I think Mickey is talking about a different kind of “header.”

Robert said...

Tain Bo,

Definitely!

I wonder if Barbara's attempt to hide what she was at on the beach was inspired by Gerry?

Tain Bo said...

Robert,

it is difficult to answer through my laughter you could be onto something there as the whispers would have it the man himself is fond of hiding and beaches the imagination can fill in the rest( no pun intended.)

david said...


Jim Spence a Scottish journalist with the BBC came under attack and attempts to censor him in the last ten days due to stating that an entity which had been liqudated in the Scottish courts was "dead".

Due to cowardice the BBC apologised for one of its journalists stating a legal reality, the truth, a fact.Some just didnt like what spence had said, didnt challenge the veracity of it just didnt like a little light being shone. Mr Spence then applied fror redundancy from the BBC in protest at the lack of support for his journalistic integrity. When this life changing stand was taken the NUJ suddenly become publicly supportive of their member.

The basis of the NUJ support, what Spence said is true.

Why then does the NUJ back the Irish News against a member who has told a truth,a fact, an uncontested version of reality?

itsjustmacker said...

David:

Interesting Piece RE-Jim Spence , I hope he got what he deserved, Truth,Freedom Of Speech and Vindicated.

"Why then does the NUJ back the Irish News against a member who has told a truth,a fact, an uncontested version of reality?".

Its them in the Wee Chapel , they have utterly lost it, all the evidence is there , Its in Black and white , with a little bit of Colour (Photograph) lol, Its sad when a so called top Reporter states she could not afford to go to London for the Hearing with the NUJ , But she could afford to go and watch a football match in Scotland , Etc etc etc. Anthony will prevail on this one, Evidence in Photos , In Writing will show he is correct, and , I hope he will take the Irish News to court and put in a counter claim.

david said...

Itsjustmacker

Sadly Mr Spence and his wife were subjected to physical threats on the street today over this issue relating to sport

itsjustmacker said...

David:

Sorry to hear that bad news.

I hope everything turns out OK for the Both of them.

I would say to Jim Spence , stick to your principles , you will prevail.

AM said...

They just loving reaching for the big stick any time somebody says something they don’t like. Small wonder the rich and the powerful come to the North as libel tourists to gag their critics

Tain Bo said...

David,

the simple reason they do it is because they can as in certain cases those who preach ethical behaviour will only show you favour if they can force you into their version of stifled free speech.

Fortunately with the internet want to be censors don’t have the luxury of keeping it under wraps.

david said...

The International Federation of Journalists the spokesbody for journalists in the UN has described the attempts to censor Jim Spence and other Scottish journalists as "unacceptable".

Ray Greenslade has also written on the issue in the Guardian today he described the situation as " very worrying".

The Scottish NUJ described some of the emails Mr Spence received for stating facts as part of a piece expressing his opinion as "vile and disgusting". This is a very apt description of some of the posts Anthony and Carrie have been on the receiving end of because of the the attempts of the Irish News to intimidate them.

The International Federation of Journalists said in their statement " together with our regional group the European Federation of Journalists we consider that these reported threats to journalists in Scotland are an attempt to intimidate our collegues and stifle public debate, something which is unacceptable"

I would urge all those who oppose the attacks on the Pensive Quill to email the series of articles Anthony requested be distributed, to the International Federation of Journalists and Ray Greenslade of the Guardian urging them to oppose the attempts at intimadation

AM said...

Thanks for all of this David

AM said...

Just watching The Wipers Times and there is a great phrase in it - the shadow of censorship enveloping us

marty said...

With all this censorship looming,could we possibly be looking at massive job creation opportunity, I mean we could all have doppelgangers and actors could make a tidy living as surrogate mouths,Frankie Boyle can be mine Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck ......