Ears To You Mrs Robinson

By AM Monday, April 23, 2012

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I suppose when we learn of someone in the Northern micro government drawing attention to their ears there is a tendency to think of old jug head Edwin Poots. Although on reflection his listeners are something he probably wants attention averted from rather than to. Earplugs for him must be the size of traffic cones.

Ears can be the butt of many jokes and outsized ones are pretty hard to hide. There are few inconspicuous places to put them. It is not like a bald head where any cap will do the trick. And in some cases only a long eared bunny hat will suffice. And they aren’t exactly the type of headwear you would turn up sporting at a funeral. Weddings, not much use for them either. And at school, well you are goosed. May as well be on the blanket where an eye for the defect was a highly developed piece of anatomy. Ears, they are a cartoonist’s dream when it comes to churning out caricature.

Now to the point of this story. I read somewhere in February that Peter Robinson and Martin McGuinness are both partially deaf in one ear. At the time Robinson quipped ‘when I confided in Martin I discovered that he had a hearing deficit in his right ear so now you know the secret of how we work so well together.’ Peter must have been to the left of Martin to make himself heard. But these days we expect Sinn Fein to be to the right of the DUP, so hear we go.

At least it explains something about why Martin venomously spat out the ‘traitor’ word against republicans carrying on the tradition of armed struggle once advocated but then abandoned by Martin. It was so that Peter could hear and be under no illusion that Martin knew his place in the pecking order. 2IC, deputy, second class citizen, whatever takes your fancy.

Peter’s own hearing defect resides in his left lug which might suggest the ear has evolved in the manner of natural selection to cope with the side of the bed Iris lies on. The partial loss of hearing allows him to sleep without having to listen to her ranting and beseeching her god to smite all the lesbians in the world and forgive all the adulteresses. 

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Jesus loves you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
God bless you please, Mrs. Robinson
Heaven holds a place for those who pray (but not if you’re gay)

Martin it is said has suffered from tinnitus in his right ear for ten years or so, although we might be forgiven for concluding he is deaf in both and for that reason didn’t hear all the warnings about where the Provos would end up if they pursued the non-republican path he and equally deaf colleagues had committed them to.

Austerity to the left of them, austerity to the right of them, into the valley of deaf the Tory two blundered. London Calling – they always manage to hear that.