Green Book

By AM Saturday, September 26, 2009

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A little story came my way lately which suggested that there might be a resurgence of the failed Provisional IRA campaign. It surprised me. The organisation’s leaders seem quite happy with having attained nothing and why they might wish to go about trying to achieve something doesn't figure. However, it is thought in some quarters that the military body, long believed to have been dormant, has been stung by accusations from cynics about its love-in with the PSNI and the surrender of most of its weaponry. Charges that these constitute a humiliating defeat for the not so secret army are being hotly denied. It is now reported to be reorganising and drawing up a new code of conduct for its members. Evidence for this was said not to have been manufactured by usual suspects, the securocrats, but came in the form of a new Green Book which was seized during a PSNI search of premises believed to serve as a money laundering facility for the organisation.

Alongside the new Green Book a magnified £10 note was also discovered which the PSNI are reporting was used during swearing-in ceremonies, having replaced the tricolour which had lost its relevance once the IRA’s mothership, Sinn Fein, had renounced any notion of pursuing such an outmoded political arrangement. According to a well placed source use of the new ‘conch’ prompted a fierce debate inside the Provisional IRA. The pragmatists were quite happy to lay a hand on the larger than life Sterling note and swear an oath of allegiance. The more nationalistic argued that the Northern Bank note represented a British symbol and insisted on something more appropriate being used such as the Euro even though the Euro is not the currency in the North, which is the only area in the country where the Provisionals retain a substantial presence and where few would appreciate the meaning. The traditionalists were having none of it and nailed their green colours to the past with their call for a punt note to be used during swearing-in ceremonies.

Failure to resolve the matter meant that any binding decision would be put off until an extraordinary general army convention could be summoned. In the meantime all three currencies would be represented at swearing-in ceremonies and those coming through could make their own choice.

According to a former member of the organisation agreement had barely been reached on this before another issue popped up to frustrate proceedings. Given that all current members as well as new recruits had to undergo a swearing-in ceremony long time volunteers including leaders had to place their hands on the note and swear allegiance to the prosperity of the nation. Most volunteers and new members were content to place one hand on the note and raise the other in the air while uttering the oath. Leadership figures were said to have placed both hands on the note and on occasion a jemmy bar was used to prise their fingers away from it before proceedings could continue. The leaders concerned claimed it was a sign of their commitment to the country’s prosperity. While their subordinates remained stum, not being permitted to say anything in public that might undermine faith in the infallibility of the leadership, the dissidents were not so kind, singing in bars the ABBA song, ‘Money, Money, Money’. To make matters worse the same refrain rang loudly in leadership ears from the Recruiting Department whose staffers applied for overtime as a result of the length of time it took to get leaders through the process.

I don’t know if any of it is true. Somebody might be having a laugh so I remain highly sceptical that any of this could be on the money. Nevertheless, not content to bury the story I probed around to see if anybody knew about the Green Book. This is what I was presented with.